tick-tock

I've always wondered if i am brave enough to write in english. Because english is always to the point with a little small talk and also don't forget about the grammar that follows (duh). So here i am, writing in english, and please don't judge me because of the broken english. I just want to express things the way i want it to be, aren't we a free man? not morgan freeman, or dobby the free elf, just simply a human being.

I am seventeen years old and in the edge of starting a new phase. a university life. tick tock, they said,   it happens so fast. i remember a year ago when i'm still wearing that white and grey uniform looking silly and.... because now is august, that means i'm still sad. A deep parting with my little organisation in that greeny feeling. at that time, i realised when everything is ending that is when i have to move on and choose a new path. a new adventure. of which  i am going to enter 5 days from now. i've always asked a question with something like "what do you want?""are you going to take the risk?" "are you brave enough?" "why?" there is too much a pressure on that time for me. it is about the path of my life, the long term of what am i going to do with this lousy, messy, yet still wonderful life. and it never crossed my mind, how scary it is to begin a new 'something'.

tick-tock again. the last year of my senior life, is when everything begins with a farewell. i thought being the senior of the 'senior' in that institution of Labschool, would be the greatest moment in life, and it still true, but i never thought of that many goodbyes. The first goodbyes is with my green organisation, i cried, 17 august 2015, i cried like a little kid losing her family, i cried, but everyone was there, hugging me as if it will be alright. as if, they will always be there, even it won't be the same as before. second farewell is with my dearest class. the last day of class, it was at that brief moment when Bu Choi will called us for the last time, it was when i have to say a sweet farewell to my comfort zone in labschool, it was when i heard Aya was crying, it was when i hold my tears because i still can't believe it that it was the last day of class. the third farewell is with my high school batch. with that round thing hanging on my neck, i wore pink, my favourite colour at that time, as i was walking to the stage, i was thinking about my future, i saw Bu Choi was there, and we're taking the class photo for the last time, it was everything, we're all separated by our own dreams.

but what hurts me the most is, i am no longer be in the same school with my friends. with everybody that i've known for three years. with each and every person of the one who has been the closest to me. i can no longer talking about those korean things that we used to scream a lot about. i can no longer sleeping freely in the back of my class. i can no longer eat at the 'starbucks' and laugh out loud for the silliness of ours. i can no longer hear you guys singing with a guitar or when the radio was playing songs every tuesday and thursday. i can no longer tell you guys about my 'little' story or hearing you guys tells me this 'little story'. the talk, the laugh, the sadness, the silliness, the everythingness. i might miss it forever.

Looking back, I often find myself standing at the balcony in front of my class looking at the trees, the corridor, the stairs, the small board "XII IPA 3", wondering, if i can survive without all of these things. and yet i did survive. i miss it. i miss the wondering. The wondering of not knowing tomorrow will become but still feel at ease because everything is in the grip of my hand. At that moment of 'wondering', the me right now, want to tell her, although i miss it a lot, that i'm doing fine today, and it is all because of you. Thank you.

tick-tock. now is almost the time for a new beginning. a new long, hard journey ahead which has no end. i might struggling and have to fight hard a lot. like, for real. but everybody does, right? wish me luck for this.... *fingercrossed*

In February, I listen
To the voices
To the hope
To yours

In February, I see
The doubt
The frightened
The you

In February, I pray
For the rain
For the love
For you

But then in February, I know
By heart
By farewell
By you

#mencobaserius

~Selamat Tinggal

Kamu harus tahu

Ada dua hal di dunia ini yang aku kagumi keindahannya

Yaitu

Suatu pertemuandan kenangan yang menyertainya

Namun 

Agar Aku dapat merasakan keduanya

Aku harus menikmati saat ini

p.s. BYE HIGHSCHOOL :"(